Maybe that was the problem, not saying it
by ProjectRekal
Summary: Chris and Jill have always been side by side...since the beginning though they have never come clean about how they truely feel for one another. When Chris winds up in intensive care after a mission ends in disaster Jill is left nervous and speechless. What if he never wakes? What about the words she had always wanted to say? Would they go unheard...?


**[ Just abit of fluff between JillxChris. I was initially trying to make a RE stand alone story but didn't have the time nor mind...so this cropped up instead! After a mission went bad Chris ends up very severly hurt and it's just Jill's view on their relationship and things that have been left unsaid. As I said-fluff! Anyway hope you enjoy-let us know what you think with a review if you've got time. Love me a review :) Keep your eyes peeled for an actual RE story at some point! ]**

* * *

The tick of the clock. The soft inhale on the machine to her left. Her head was dropped low on the bed, her hands clutched in his own. The phone outside the private room rang loudly causing her to stir. It didn't distract enough from the tears that were rolling down her pale cheeks. How had it happened? He had been rushed back to their BO hospital but it had all taken too long. Her shoulders shuddered as she attempted to keep her sobs silent-as though they would disturb him from his slumber...no not his slumber. The man laid in the bed was comatose and showed no sign of waking. It had been over 48 hours and although he hadn't declined he hadn't shown any signs of improvement either. Jill lifted her head fully now and looked up to his still, silent face. The mask distorted his features. Wires, tubes, sensors. It was a sickening sight that made her want to weep fresh tears again. Jill shuffled in her seat edging further toward the head of the bed and extended a hand brushing her fingers gently across Chris' cheek. He was cold. Sniffing she spun and lifted the blankets further up his body, tucking them close around him. The monitor continued to beep and beep. Her eyes flickered to it-nothing seemed to be disturbed or wrong. Jill's hand extended to his hair now brushing back the dark locks that were neatly resting on his brow. How he had looked when he had arrived-head blood covered, bruising across his jaw and his left eye. Wounds just seemed to be...everywhere. So much so that when the doctor first witnessed him even the doctor was at a loss for words. He was the only one. The only one to come back home. Seven others were now dead. Would he make it home too? Jill continued to trail her hands through his hair. She hadn't moved, hadn't dared leave the hospital room no matter if the nurses asked or not. They wouldn't move her and she wouldn't be forced out-they would have to drag her. The only thing that plagued her now was...why? Why had she waited so long? Why had she never said anything before? Three simple words and she had never once dared to mention it to him. Did he even feel the same? Would he look at her cock eyed for even daring to think like that? Feelings got people hurt. It clouded your judgement and your mind...but it could also make you strong. It had kept her strong. All these years knowing that at the end of the day he would be there. It wasn't your typical suburban household when the husband would walk in and she would say; 'How was your day dear?' with a kiss while she finished dinner. No. Jill would sit and wait in the telecommunications centre until it was confirmed that Chris and his team would be coming home and that the mission had been a success. With her body having been sapped by Wesker's experimenting Jill was not allowed to return to the field, Chris wouldn't allow it. She still remained at the headquarters and did what she could-mostly his paperwork-it wasn't like he did it. Her hand moved now, brushing his cheek again before she finally sat back and straightened herself. Her muscles were locked and stiff-Jill had to force them to separate and stretch the life back into them. Rising from her seat at the bedside Jill crossed the room and jerked at the window that had been left cracked open. Some fresh air had been nice but it was December-close to Christmas and the snows were beginning to drop from the dark skies. A small pile had gathered on the sill. Leaning over she pulled the window closed. Instantly the room felt warmer. Rubbing her arms Jill turned and looked back to Chris. The monitors still beeped. The mask still puffed with every breath he took. A sigh of relief escaped her. She froze. Noting her appearance in the window against the contrasting dark world outside. Pale blonde hair hung jutted at strange angles, blue eyes were lifeless, rimmed with red and bags hung under, lips pale and puffy. Bringing a hand up she brushed furiously at her hair, attempting to comb it out and get some sort of control of it. The gold hair did not comply and continued to spring back to its original position. Growling she jerked a hair band from her wrist, a small circular indentation left on her wrist, and pulled her hair back. Up away from her face. It was then she remembered when they had first returned from Africa...

* * *

 _Jill sat heavily on the bed, her body wrapped in plush linen pyjamas. A gift from Claire as soon as she had come home. The girl had been so happy with her return-suppose siblings were very alike. Jill was cold. She had spent the previous number of years in Africa-she had yet to adjust to the temperature drop in North America. The door of the room popped open, some flowers were stowed in a vase on the bedside table-also provided by Claire along with some magazines and some chocolate. Because who didn't like chocolate? Jill looked up as Chris stepped in, he had a faint smile on his face. Swiftly he closed the door behind him and crossed the room, nodding his head to her. Jill forced herself to give a smile._

 _"How you feeling?" He asked cautiously._

 _"Like I've been hit with a plane," Jill admitted, she wouldn't pretend. Wesker had a lot of time to control her and the BSAA were now using their best doctors and scientists to determine whether she was a threat and what lasting damage had been made to her body. The tests never seemed to end and that day had been particularly gruelling. Chris' smile faltered and a faint scowl crossed his brow._

 _"I told them it would be too much," He turned, on the verge of leaving the room again._

 _"No-" Jill quickly halted him, "It's okay. I'm better then I look."_

 _"Hmm," He wasn't convinced but none the less he complied and turned back to her. He must have recently returned from somewhere-he was dressed smartly. His best uniform. Jill was used to the combats and body armor. His heir was neat and his stubble closely shaven. "I see Claire has been to visit.." Chris nodded to the magazines and chocolate._

 _"What better way to say get well then some Hershey's and some reader's digest?"_

 _"Please don't tell me it's cookies and crème?"_

 _"What else?"_

 _"I hate that stuff."_

 _"No you don't," Jill scoffed._

 _"Yes I do!"_

 _"I've never seen you eat one bite-I bet you'd like it." Jill turned in the bed now and reached out snatching the bar into her hand and peeling the foil back before breaking a small piece away and extending it to him. Chris remained unmoved._

 _"I'll pass-can't get any on my uniform," Chris made the excuse. Jill scowled._

 _"Redfield-get over here right now and taste the creamy goodness," Jill demanded. Chris hesitated. She wished he'd hurry up the strength it took to even keep her arm raised this long was draining beyond all belief. After a moment Chris sighed, rolling his eyes before crossing the room and sitting on the bedside taking the piece of chocolate._

 _"Look at the size of this thing-they really make you pay all that money to have a peanut sized helping?"_

 _"I thought you didn't like it?"_

 _Chris ignored her comment before popping the chocolate into his mouth and chewing. Jill watched him carefully. "It's not the worst," He mumbled after a moment. Jill grinned in satisfaction before breaking off a square for herself and setting the bar aside._

 _"Matches my hair," She smirked. Chris looked to her hair and studied it a moment before looking back to her. It most certainly needed a wash and it was currently pulled back into a ponytail._

 _"Yeah..." Chris nodded._

 _"I'm getting it dyed as soon as they let me out of here," Jill added quickly._

 _"I like it," Chris muttered after a thoughtful moment. He did? Jill had grown accustomed to it but she had never thought about keeping it...I mean she had always been a brunette. She looked across the room to the mirror over the sink in the far corner and studied herself._

 _"You do?"_

 _"Especially when it's in that pony tail," He smirked leaning forward and flipping her hair in a swirl. Jill quickly batted his hands away._

 _"Stop it!" She demanded but he persisted and continued to swish her hair. Jill quickly attempted to fend him away but he easily overpowered her-even though he wasn't even trying. The silliness brought a smile to her lips and even a gentle laugh..._

* * *

Jill opened her eyes again and studied her reflection once more before swiftly turning and approaching the bedside once more. She sat on its edge. Some flowers sat in a vase to the side of the bed along with the freshest issue of Guns & Ammo. Claire had arrived earlier that day-in a heap with the news her brother had been brought home with slim chances of survival...and that was the doctor being optimistic. Various 'Get Well' cards were littered around the rooms from Chris' friends. Like he had time to read them but Jill had read them all, read them aloud so he could hear and know that there were people counting on him to wake up. Jill leant across the bed and gently pulled the magazine from beneath a card and some more chocolate that Claire had left behind. Flipping through it Jill arrived on an article and cleared her throat.

"Unusual Shooting Positions," She read aloud again, "I'm sure you know all of them but still... _Unusual shooting positions can encompass just about anything your imagination can come up with_. Well we both know that. _The birth of an unusual shooting position is usually the result of a worst-case scenario becoming reality for a sniper._ Amen, huh? Worst case scenario's are our specialty."

Chris was an expert marksman. One of the best Jill had ever seen-he didn't need to know about all this stuff but it was the only thing that kept her from going stir crazy. She wanted to desperately shake him until he woke but what good would that do? Her eyes flickered to the heart monitor which spiked before settling again. A small smirk crossed her face, was he listening? Jill focused back on the article and continued to read on.

Jill would have to message Claire, ask her to bring some more reading material. She sat back on the bedside still, the magazine discarded once there was nothing more to be read. A nurse had arrived in earlier to plead with Jill again to go sleep somewhere, get something to eat. Jill had politely refused. Claire had come by again, once she had finished work, with another bundle of chocolate, a sandwich and crisps for Jill and magazines. Good thing for Claire. Jill had eaten something-the nurse would be happy. The company had been comforting for the two hours Claire had remained but she departed once again-mentioning she wouldn't be back for the next few days due to a conference. Jill watched Chris. Nothing. The wounds on his face and head would scar-badly. What had got him? A licker by the looks of things. Jill hated those things. Jill glanced to the clock across the room; 11:38 p.m. She scooted up the bed closed to him now and took it upon herself to lay down next to him, her head resting on his chest, her hand playing with his own. He'd never know.

"You know..." She muttered aloud again, "I never did tell you what a prick you were for not coming back safely..."

No response. Beep, beep. Huff, puff.

"You're a real asshole." Jill said again casting a look to his face. Nothing. She grinned slightly to herself again but the smile fell away and she could feel herself beginning to weaken, her eyes began to burn. She closed them firmly. No. She wouldn't cry. Not again. The shaking in her chest told her otherwise and through her closed eyes tears squeezed and leaked. Her hand tightened around his, her fist clutching the bed sheets and balling.

"It was a stupid move. Why did you do it? Why did you have to go and play the hero again, huh?" Again nothing.

"All I ever asked is that you come home safe. Come back with a scratch or a bruise-that's fine by me. Hell that's part of it all but don't come back dying. I swear to god if you don't wake up I'm going to come after you-death can't get you off the hook that easy, you hear me?"

Beep, beep. Huff, puff.

"Come on Chris-wake up."

Beep, beep. Huff, puff.

"I mean it. Wake up."

Beep, beep. Huff, puff.

"You bastard..."

Jill lay her head on his chest again and kept her body close to his. Curled up next to him, the tears spilling from her eyes, her body trembling. Why couldn't he just put his arm around her and tell her 'he was fine'. That's what he would always say, 'I'm fine'. No he wasn't. He never was. Who the hell was? Jill forced her eyes open and dared a look at the clock again; 11.59 p.m. After a moment the clock's second hand moved and the time turned to 12:00 a.m. It was December 24th now. Twisting her head Jill cast a look to him once more. Beep, beep. Huff, puff. Shaking her head she lay back down next to him and quietly sobbed.

"I love you...you ass," Jill mumbled through gritted teeth and closed eyes. "Is that what you wanted me to say? I love you alright? Now wake up."

Beep, beep. Huff, puff.

"I can't...I..." Jill was breaking now. "I can't keep this up-I need you with me, Chris. I need you. I always have. I just never had the guts to say it-I thought it would hurt you, make your judgment cloudy...but...but..."

Beep, beep. Huff, puff.

"Maybe that was the problem...not saying it..."

He'd be alright. She just had to keep telling herself that. He'd wake up. They would all return to normality.

"I love you..." Jill shuddered with every sob...and somehow...she lost herself to sleep.

* * *

 _The pain was overwhelming it sprinted through every fibre of her body. Blood wept from the small holes that were left in her chest, she shook her head, she felt lighter now...her mind was beginning to clear.. She wanted to reach to her chest and claw the device away but it was already gone. Gritting her teeth she squealed in pain and felt her body grow heavy now. After a moment her knees collapsed beneath her and her body dropped to the floor her world fading away. Was this it? Was this how it all finished? Her body crashed against the cool stone giving her a wash of relief. It was over. She could no longer feel the pulsing through her veins, no longer burned from pain from the toxin being pumped through her body._

 _"Jill!" The voice broke through everything. She recognized it. "Jill?" It called to her again, through the darkness. Hands grabbed her and heaved her close. She could feel warmth now, the warm touch and breath from another human being. Her body merely responded to the grip and twisted. Her eyes fluttered to see the form of a man hunched over her. Sweaty, dirt covered, scratched and worried._

 _"Are you alright?" He asked. The voice echoed in her mind. The face looking down at her was the most reassuring thing she had ever seen. A wave of relief ran over her._

 _"Chris..." She muttered, a faint smile touching the edge of her lips before everything came rushing back to meet her. What she had done... "I'm so sorry..." She breathed heavily. All she got in return from him was a faint smile and shake of the head._

 _"It's okay," he nodded._

 _Jill's eyes looked to the tall woman stood over them, dark skinned, dark haired. Just as sweaty and bruised as Chris. "You're Sheva...right?"_

 _The woman shifted before nodding, "Yes."_

 _"I couldn't control my actions," Jill blurted, "Oh, but God, I was still aware. Forgive me." Jill was aware that the bruise on the left hand side of Sheva's face had been her doing._

 _"It's alright," Sheva shook her head, giving a faint smile-as much as the swelling on the side of her face would allow._

 _"Thank you," Jill breathed again, inhaling deeply. Her chest burned again. For a moment she lay, in Chris' arms thankful for the warmth and support they granted her. After a long moment Chris wrapped her arm around his neck and heaved her back to her feet. She stood, albeit shakily. She pulled away from him. No. With every second she lingered next to him she felt her body screaming at him to take her away from this place and bring her home but she couldn't allow it. He still had a job to do and in her current state she would be of no use to him-only a hindrance._

 _"Listen..." She mumbled, though it tore her heart to do so, "I'm going to be alright. You two need to stop him," Jill looked to Sheva briefly before looking to Chris. There were bigger things going on right now. Chris looked horrified._

 _"We can't just leave you here!"_

 _"You have to," She pushed, "This is your only chance! If Wesker succeeds Uroboros will be spread across the globe! Millions will die!"_

 _"Well, yeah, but-"_

 _"I'm alright!" Jill said louder now. Always the hero. "You need to stop him." Chris drew back now, he seemed uncertain-scared almost. They both knew it. Leaving her behind or not she'd find her own way out of here. They didn't have long and the longer they stood and talked the more Wesker had the chance to get away._

 _"Chris!" Jill reached forward and grabbed the front of his shirt, "You're the only one who can. Before it's too late," Jill held him tight for a moment, his eyes looked down to her hands against his chest. Well she had broken through to him. Slowly she allowed her hands to slip away. "Don't you trust your partner?"_

 _A faint scowl flickered on his brow. That was without question. Both of them trusted each other undoubtedly. He had saved her now but they had to part once again. He didn't have to like it-just trust her. His eyes looked to Sheva next to him before finding the floor._

 _"Alright..." He muttered, his eyes drawing up to look at Jill again. His eyes met hers and although they wanted to say more it went unspoken. Slowly Chris stepped back, though his eyes remained on hers. Jill wanted to say it. Wanted to tell him then-she cared for him-more than anything but right now...was not the time. He wouldn't continue on if she did. Chris' eyes darted to Sheva before back to Jill and finally he turned stepping toward the elevator that stood open awaiting him. Jill felt her heart beginning to race now as she watched his back disappearing into the elevator. Come home safe. Jill turned her attention to Sheva._

 _"Please," She muttered, "Take care of him."_

 _With a silent nod and smile of acknowledgement Sheva turned and stepped toward the elevator. Chris looked out to Jill one last time before the doors hissed shut._

 _"You're our only hope to survive this..." Jill muttered quietly to herself. It wasn't easy watching him walk away...Jill just hoped she would see him again..._

* * *

Jill opened her eyes.

Beep, beep. Huff, puff.

Blinking the sleep out of her eyes Jill turned her head up to see Chris laid in the bed next to her, his face remained unchanged only the corners of the scars were beginning to knit and close. Heaving a sigh Jill drew herself up and sat. A hand reached up and rubbed her eyes furiously. How long had it been? Her eyes looked to the clock. 3:45 p.m. Man had she really slept that long? Had the doctors been in? They hadn't disturbed her? Jill's eyes looked to the window of the room, peering through the glass to the outside world, the sun was beginning to set again. Snow had fallen heavily and left a blanket of white in its wake. December 24th. Tomorrow was Christmas Day. Jill would normally have spent it at home before inevitably being invited around to the Redfield's or...whoever decided to be charitable. That wouldn't happen this year. No doubt Claire and Leon would be spending it in close quarters and she certainly didn't want to intrude. Maybe she could lose herself in some of the paperwork that still went unfinished since Chris' chaotic return. In reality she knew exactly where she would spend it-where she wanted to spend it was at his side. Jill sat tall now and stretched her muscles again...this was becoming a habit to sleep in awkward positions. Her hands dropped down onto the bed next to her...she would repeat the same habit ever day now. Get up from an awkward position, steal some of the chocolate that Claire had left...no doubt Claire was leaving it for her. She had left some Hershey's...cookies and crème, before settling down and scrolling through the articles of a magazine and reading to him in between sobbing fits. She needed to get a hold of herself. Mustering the strength to find the chocolate Jill was halted and the whole world froze. Her hand, which was limp on the bed, felt something grip onto her. At first her reaction was defensive. Her head whipped around the sight that she was met with made her eyes swell and burn again. His hand was entwined in her own now, his grip as firm as he could have made it. Jill looked to his face, her heart fluttering and chest hammering-her heart may leap through her throat at any second.

"Chris...?" She mumbled slowly her voice shaking.

Beep, beep. Huff, puff.

There. Behind the mask covering his face Jill saw it, the faint smile touched the edge of his lips, the heart monitor beeping more now. He was trying to speak. Quickly Jill reached out and drew the mask away from his mouth.

"Chris?" She asked now, more urgently this time. What was he trying to say? "I'll get the doctor," Jill moved to leap from the bed and shout as loudly as anyone would listen but the grip of his hand in hers prevented her from moving. Her eyes looked back down to him, his eyes weren't open but he was there. She knew it but...what was he trying to say? Jill leant down close to his face, her ear to his lips attempting to hear. There...

"...love...you," His words were hoarse and dry but Jill felt everything fall away as tears burned down her face. Not tears of fear or sorrow...tears of unbridled joy. Drawing back from his face slightly she looked to him-his smile faded slightly. Jill placed the mask back over his mouth. She shook her head, grinning wide. Bringing his hand up she placed a soft kiss to the back before speaking.

"You bastard..."


End file.
